


Five Siblings Ted Didn't Have

by DoctorV



Series: Archive: Doc's Old-Ass Comics Fic (DC, JLU, etc.) [48]
Category: Batman (Comics), Birds of Prey (Comic), Blue Beetle (Comics), Booster Gold (Comics), DCU, DCU - Comicverse, Justice League, Justice League International (Comic), Marvel (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Any Boostle Content Is Only Implied, Awkward Conversations, Bad Parenting, Dimension Travel, Family Secrets, Fighting, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Half-Siblings, Identity Reveal, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Past Child Abandonment, Past Infidelity, Ted Doesn't Know How To Family, Thomas Kord Is A Dick, Time Travel, Twins, Wakes & Funerals, mini-golf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 21:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14703054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorV/pseuds/DoctorV
Summary: Family that could have been.No one ever tried to pretend the Kord family tree was normal.





	1. Janet

**Author's Note:**

> Archiving some old old OLD fanfic of mine. This was originally posted to LiveJournal 08/28/2006, with the author's note:  
> "I actually meant to write this all in one go, but this one turned out longer than I expected. So you can expect four more of these, each with a different sibling (siblings?). That said...uh, I kinda need help here. I've got ideas for three more, but the last one I'm just drawing a blank on. So I'd appreciate suggestions for a "twin/non-canon sibling." Though not the brother who only exists in one narration box in one panel of one comic, because he's technically not "non-canon." (And anyway I already wrote something about him.) Probably no suggestion is too cracky. I have "AU" and "time travel" at my disposal. ^_^  
> Anyway, this is for my wtf27 list, and has not been betaed. (Early birds catch worms, but early writers don't catch betas. Haw.)"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why didn't you tell me?"

Tim thought it was a little odd when Ted Kord showed up at his father's funeral to offer his condolences. They hadn't talked much in a while, and mostly only through Oracle. Tim didn't think Ted had even _met_ Jack Drake, except maybe in passing.

 

Nevertheless, there Ted was, standing in front of Tim and looking incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. He briefly glanced at Bruce, then grimaced in discomfort and mumbled that he'd see Tim later.

 

The entire day, the days leading up to it, and a few days after were something of a haze, so Tim quickly forgot about it.

 

When social services informed him that he'd be staying with his uncle, Tim was startled and wondered how the hell they already knew about the fake uncle he had been planning to create so that he could get on with his life without being hassled too much. Then he entered the office and found Ted Kord looking awkward and uncomfortable again, though this time in a less formal suit.

 

Bewildered, he listened as arrangements were made and papers were signed, then obediently followed Ted outside.

 

"—really wasn't expecting— Well who _does_ , right?" Ted was saying, babbling nervously as they walked to his car. "So the place is kind of a mess and it's not really set up for a ki—ah, another person, so—"

 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tim asked quietly, the slow, creeping sense of betrayal finally taking hold.

 

"Tell you...what?"

 

"That you're my _uncle_."

 

Ted stared at him a moment, a dumbfounded expression on his face, then burst out laughing. "You didn't _know_?" he sputtered, arms wrapped around his middle as he doubled over with laughter. "I thought you knew!"

 

Pressing his lips together in a tight line of disapproval, Tim glared at him. Ted didn't seem the slightest bit phased, he just leaned against the car and snickered with one hand over his face.

 

"Sorry, sorry, I know it's been rough for—" Ted shook his head and took a deep breath, still grinning. "C'mon, Tim, you're the kid who figured out Batman's _secret identity_ at... _how_ old were you? And you don't even know your own genealogy?" He chuckled again and dug his keys out of a pocket. "If I'd known you didn't know, I would've told you...y'know?"

 

Put like that...Tim really couldn't fault the man. And it was difficult to be angry with Ted when he was grinning at him like that, like Tim had just told a great joke rather than the joke being _on_ Tim.

 

"You wanna stop for ice cream?" Ted asked. "I'll fill you in on the family tree on the way."

 

"Sure," Tim agreed.

 

Ted explained that Tim's mother — his _biological_ mother, not Dana — had been his sister, not that you could really tell by looking at them. Then he mumbled something about infidelity, lack of proof, and that people just didn't talk about those things and anyway it didn't matter because they were still family and they damn well had to love each other. Or at least tolerate each other. Then Ted muttered under his breath about his father, but Tim couldn't hear him well enough to make out much except that there had been some sort of falling out between Ted and Thomas Kord and they had never resolved things before Thomas died.

 

"Heart attack," Ted said in a voice that was too casually disinterested to indicate _real_ casual disinterest.

 

That wasn't important, though, Ted told him, returning to the subject of Tim's mother. As siblings went, they'd never been very close, but Ted had actually visited sporadically during Tim's first two years of life. Only sporadically, Ted pointed out apologetically, because his own life had been pretty hectic at the time. It was right about when he was first starting out as Blue Beetle.

 

"I don't know if you remember it, but...I can't remember if it was Christmas or your birthday, but I got you this, heh, this stuffed bug. It was blue and had googley-eyes, I couldn't resist."

 

It was _that_ that really brought things home for Tim, because he _did_ remember the stuffed bug. He had snuggled up with the thing for years. It was currently in storage, he thought. Tim didn't remember Ted, but he remembered Ogby.

 

And then....

 

"We just lost touch," Ted said with a shrug. "We're here."

 

They parked and entered the ice cream shop, quickly ordering and sitting at one of the many empty tables. Tim got one scoop on a cone while Ted got a cup of frozen yogurt that claimed to be low fat but with all the same flavor of ice cream.

 

"Lies," Ted proclaimed after a few bites. "Damned lies."

 

"And statistics," Tim muttered.

 

Ted laughed and Tim smiled. Making the man laugh was easy enough, but it still felt like an accomplishment. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

 

Then Ted said out of the blue, "I'm worried about you, Tim. I mean I was _before_ , but I didn't think I had any business saying anything. But now that I'm your..." he thought it over, then shrugged, "...legal guardian, I...I'm worried about you."

 

Tim raised an eyebrow.

 

Blowing out a breath in frustration, Ted grimaced, his expression bouncing around with uncertainty, then wiggled his hand in the air. "Your...afterschool _job_."

 

A tiny spike of fight/flight shot through Tim and he was silent a moment, staring with intense concentration at his ice cream cone. "Are you asking me to quit?"

 

Ted was quiet, and when Tim looked up the man's expression was similar to if he had just been asked to shave his own head and paint polka-dots on it.

 

"Right, because I'm a hypocrite _and_ stupid," Ted finally said, sarcasm and disbelief dripping from his voice. "Tim, you've just been through several... _upheavals_ in your life. Hell, this is another one. The _last_ thing I'm gonna do is cut you off from your...friends, social network, support system." He leaned in and lowered his voice. "I know what that's like. Do you even _have_ any real friends outside the—uh...job?"

 

Tim didn't answer.

 

"It's not a _bad_ thing," Ted said wryly, leaning back. "And anyway, does anyone ever _really_ quit? _I_ tried a few times, but it never seems to take. Y'know, I thought having a _heart condition_ would be what finally did it but then I joined up with that ridiculous _SuperBuddies_ fiasco." He leaned forward again and pointed at Tim, a stern look on his face. "That reminds me, there will be no talking about _that_ under my roof. And if Max tries to recruit _you_ tell him to rot in hell."

 

Tim stared at him, trying to figure out if the man was serious. After a few moments, Ted finally snickered and shook his head.

 

"That's what I'm talking about. You're too serious. You need to lighten up, and...your _mentor_ isn't exactly a big fan of _hakuna matata_. But trust me, take yourself too seriously and you'll go batty."

 

Ted grinned at Tim's startled laugh.

 

"C'mon, let's get out of here," Ted decided, standing. "We'll go do something _fun_."

 

"Like what?" Tim asked, finishing off his cone as he followed Ted out to the car.

 

"Ummm...mini-golf?" Ted suggested, a bewildered look crossing his face as they got in. Then his expression brightened. "Yeah, we'll pick up Booster on the way." He glanced at Tim as they headed off again. "He's been kind of at loose ends since the divorce, d'ya mind?"

 

"No, that's fine," Tim said, trying to remember who Booster had been married to.

 

It didn't occur to Tim until a few minutes later that while he wasn't sure where Booster lived, he was pretty sure it wasn't anywhere near Gotham. For that matter, neither did Ted. When Tim brought it up, Ted grinned and said that the car was a rental.

 

That was _all_ he would say until they pulled into the rental car lot to return it. Motioning for Tim to follow, Ted started off at a fast walk.

 

"We're going to _walk_?"

 

"Not for long."

 

And it wasn't very long. Soon enough, Ted was pulling something from his pocket as they stopped in a fairly abandoned part of the city. Holding up a remote control with a flourish, Ted pressed a button.

 

The Bug appeared.

 

Staring at it with wide eyes, Tim barely heard Ted explain the new stealth technology he'd incorporated into it. Ted's words finally broke through Tim's awe and excitement once they were aboard and the man said he was going to change in the back.

 

"Do you think you can keep an eye on the controls?"

 

Tim turned to stare at him. "You mean...you want _me_ to drive the Bug?"

 

Grinning, Ted said, "Actually, it's on autopilot, but if you wanted to, sure."

 

"That would be so cool," Tim blurted.

 

Chuckling, Ted took his suit jacket off as he explained the basics of the controls to Tim and told him what coordinates they were heading for. Loosening his tie while he headed for the back, Ted added, "Yell if you're not sure about anything."

 

Tim once again barely heard Ted as he sat at the controls, a silly grin plastered on his face. When Ted joined him, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, he just sat in the seat next to Tim and let him continue driving.

 

When they reached the coordinates, Ted disappeared for a few minutes, then returned dragging Booster into Bug. "—ut _why_ are you kidnapping me?" Booster was asking.

 

"We're taking you mini-golfing," Ted replied.

 

"We?"

 

Ted tapped Tim's shoulder and he turned around so he could see Booster. "Booster, my nephew Tim. Tim, my best buddy Booster."

 

A speculative look on his face, Booster waved. Tim waved back. Booster looked over at Ted and asked, "Mini-golfing?"

 

* * *

 

Ted let Tim drive Bug the whole way, only interfering to make minor course adjustments, which was fun. Mini-golfing, on the other hand, wasn't.

 

Things got a little more exciting when they moved on to the go-carts, but all three of them were used to speeds far higher than anything the little carts got up to. That was, until Ted made a few adjustments while the guy running the ride was distracted.

 

It got them banned from the mini-golf and go-cart place, but none of them was particularly bothered. It had been a close race, and Tim suspected the reason Ted won was because he had been the one to adjust the go-carts.

 

As they drove home in Bug, Tim was at the controls again while Booster sat on the arm of Ted's chair as they discussed an anomaly Ted had noticed in his company's finances. There was an easy, friendly feeling in the airship and Tim decided yes, this might not be so bad at all.


	2. Max

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sensing you're upset about something."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 09/05/2006, with the author's note:  
> "This was actually the first "ZOMG related!" crack-fic I thought of (in this fandom). Why? ...Okay, I'll admit it, I got Ted and Max mixed up once. They look very similar. Even more so when Max had blue eyes. (Is there a reason they changed color, or was it just some bizarre retcon?)"

New technology always put Ted in a good mood. Especially when he got to be in charge of it.

 

"Oh Beeeatriiiz," Ted sing-songed as he caught sight of the Brazilian bombshell through the doorway.

 

With a sigh, she stopped and ducked her head into the room. "What is it, Beetle?"

 

Ted leaned back in his chair and smiled suggestively at her. "I need to take a look at your... _alleles_ ," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

"What?" Bea asked suspiciously.

 

Grinning, Ted motioned her closer. "I need a DNA sample. The new security system will scan everyone who comes in and check their DNA against those on file. So I'm putting everyone's unique genetic structure in the computer."

 

"What do you need?" When a mischievous look crossed Ted's face, Bea rolled her eyes and added before he could answer, "Will a hair do?"

 

Ted pouted a little but said it would, then carefully took the long green strand she handed him. Smirking a little as she left the room, Bea told him to have fun looking at her alleles by himself.

 

Grumbling good-naturedly, Ted got back to work.

 

* * *

 

An hour later, Ted was sick to death of looking through DNA. After a while they all started looking alike. Actually, come to think of it...

 

Ted frowned and looked closer at the information on the computer.

 

" _That_ can't be right," he muttered, checking the labels to make sure he hadn't accidentally entered the same information twice. He hadn't. And the information _wasn't_ completely the same. It contained just the right amount of differences that were consistent with and could be expected in—

 

"Sonuva _bitch_."

 

Snatching a printout of the results, Ted furiously stalked from the room in search of the source of those results.

 

* * *

 

"You!"

 

Max glanced up from the papers he was going over when the door to his office slammed open. Something had apparently upset Blue Beetle and now he was going to hear about it.

 

Folding his hands on top of his desk, Max patiently waited a few minutes as Beetle spluttered and shouted nonsensically. Occasionally the bug-themed hero would emphasize whatever point he thought he had by shaking some crumpled papers at Max.

 

" _What_ do you have to say for yourself?!" Beetle finally demanded, slamming his hands down on Max's desk and leaning forward to glare at him.

 

"I say you should take a seat and try that again with your _indoor_ voice," Max replied evenly. "Ted, I'm sensing you're _upset_ about something."

 

"Upset? _Upset?!_ " Ted raged, shoving the papers at him. " _Look_ at this!"

 

Deciding he had no other choice, Max finally took the papers and gave them a quick glance. Handing them back he said, "Explain what I'm looking at, Ted. Science is _your_ area of expertise, not mine."

 

Snatching the papers, Ted pressed them down on Max's desk and smoothed them out. "This is DNA."

 

Max raised his eyebrows expectantly.

 

" _Our_ DNA," Ted clarified. When Max just continued looking at him expectantly, he snapped, "Well _look_ , dammit! Notice any similarities?"

 

"That's normal, isn't it?" Max asked, looking at the papers again. They _did_ look very similar. "Humans have similar—"

 

"Not _this_ similar!" Ted jabbed a finger at one of the papers. "Similarities like _this_ indicate a direct familial relationship."

 

Max carefully kept his eyes on the paper as he considered his options. "... _How_ direct?" he asked slowly.

 

"How—?" Ted threw his hands up and turned around, stalking a few feet away from him. " _Direct_ direct. Sharing _parents_ direct. Only in this case it's more like _one_ parent, I checked."

 

"You got all that from this?" Max asked absently, running a finger over the papers.

 

"Yes!"

 

"I see."

 

There was silence for a moment as Ted stared at Max expectantly and Max continued to stare blankly at the evidence of their direct familial relationship.

 

Finally Ted demanded, " _Well?_ "

 

"I suppose this confirms it, then."

 

"You _did_ know!" Ted accused, pointing at him angrily.

 

"I _suspected_ ," Max corrected him. "This isn't the kind of thing you can bring up just because of suspicions."

 

"Why the hell _not_?"

 

Max stood and threw his arms up. "What was I _supposed_ to say?" he finally snapped. "'I think your father had an affair with my mother, we're half-brothers, gimmie a hug'? Would you have even listened or would you have punched me?"

 

"I—" Ted stopped, thinking it over, then frowned.

 

" _Exactly_." Sighing, Max sat back down and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I _didn't_ know, Ted. All I had were suspicions based on small things that could have been unrelated. Frankly, I didn't _want_ to know."

 

"Should I be insulted?"

 

Looking up, Max clasped his hands on top of his desk. "Do _you_ feel any better knowing what our parents did?"

 

Ted didn't answer, frowning thoughtfully as he stared down at the floor. Finally, he asked, "What things?"

 

"It's a brave man who's willing to admit, at your age, that he doesn't know how the birds and the bees works," Max said with a smirk.

 

"Hardy har. I meant what made you _suspicious_?"

 

Max leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Little things." When Ted just looked at him expectantly, Max rolled his eyes. "When I was trapped in that cave-in, for one. Why _you_? And at that distance?"

 

"I just...I don't know," Ted replied slowly, thinking back. It was strange at the time, suddenly knowing that Max was in trouble. That he knew exactly _where_ was even stranger.

 

According to Max, his power was only an ability to make suggestions, to nudge people. And Ted didn't think he'd ever seen the man use it on anyone _not_ in his line of sight. That Max had been able to convey his need for help as well as clearly indicate his location, and just to Ted, was...suspicious.

 

"And I could've been The Amazing Wombat-Man," Max absently muttered under his breath.

 

"What?"

 

"Nothing."

 

Ted crossed his arms over his chest and eyed the man thoughtfully. "So now what?"

 

"Now what _what_?" Max asked, frowning.

 

Shrugging, Ted dropped his arms and paced a few steps. "We're brothers. _So_...now what? What are we supposed to do about that?"

 

"Do you _want_ to do something about it?"

 

Ted threw his hands up. "I don't know! I've never _had_ a brother before, I don't know what you're supposed to do with one."

 

"Maybe let him get back to the important work of cleaning up after you?" Max suggested, tapping the paperwork on his desk pointedly.

 

"But shouldn't we—"

 

"Ted, let me make a suggestion here," Max said firmly, leaning forward. "Let's go back to doing what we've _been_ doing. You'll continue to fight the bad guys so I can spin it positively to the press, and I'll continue to worry every time you end up in the hospital. And maybe we start sending birthday cards. How does that sound?"

 

Ted smiled slowly. "All this outpouring of love, Max. You've got hidden depths." He held out a hand. "Sounds good to me."

 

Shaking the offered hand, Max smiled back. "Excellent. Now don't you have a security system to install?"

 

"Okay, okay, I'm going."

 

"I just wish there wasn't any family resemblance," Max added as Ted headed for the door. "Of all the people I had to resemble..."

 

Whirling in surprise, Ted let out an insulted, " _Hey!_ "

 

"That's another thing we have in common," Max said with a smirk, meeting his eyes. "No one laughs at _my_ jokes, either."

 

Ted stared at him for a moment, then grinned and shook his head as he left the room.


	3. Ted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There has to be a mistake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 09/06/2006, with the author's note:  
> "An idea that occurred to me while meditating on why Oracle, undeniably one of the smartest people in the DCU, would make such a simple mistake as thinking Ted's name was "Edward" instead of "Theodore" (which has more canon to back it up)."

After everything that had happened lately, the last thing Booster expected was for Oracle to call him back. Even less expected was what she actually _said_.

 

"Someone calling himself Ted Kord just attended a KORD Omniversal board meeting."

 

Booster just stared out vacantly for a few moments, trying to sort out his thoughts and emotions. Part of him was furious that someone was impersonating his dead best friend. Part of him was confused at the audacity. And a small, tiny sliver of Booster was hoping (please, please, _please_ ) that it really _was_ Ted and Batman had been wrong and everything could go back to the way it was...and maybe it would rain money later.

 

Right.

 

* * *

 

It was late and the office was dark, but Booster had his goggles set to night vision. He was waiting for "Ted" to show up.

 

When he did, Booster held his breath and stared. Paused in the doorway, a man that to all appearances _was_ Ted Kord glanced around the dark office. With his goggles, Booster could clearly see the confused but suspicious look on the man's face and had to stifle a smile.

 

Ted could be a paranoid bastard sometimes. Whether it was the result of years as a superhero or if he had always been paranoid, it was still disconcerting to see this man, who _had_ to be a fake, exhibiting the same trait.

 

When the man failed to spy any suspicious shadows, he entered the office ( _ed's_ office) and closed the door behind him. With the ease of someone familiar with navigating the space without light, the man made his way to the desk ( _Ted's_ desk) and opened up the laptop ( _Ted's_ laptop) laying on it. Sitting in the chair ( _Ted's_ chair) while the laptop booted up, Te—the man leaned back with a sigh and opened a drawer.

 

He looked like Ted, he sounded like Ted, and he _acted_ like Ted.

 

Booster's eyes swept over the seated figure, desperately seeking _some_ indication that this man was _not_ Ted Kord. But there was nothing. He probably knew his best friend's profile better than his own, but he still could find _nothing_ off about the man sitting there.

 

Leaning forward, the man started typing at the laptop, auburn hair falling over his forehead as the glow of the computer screen reflected in his eyes. Booster's nostrils flared as he fought to keep his breath steady and quiet.

 

 _Bastard, bastard, bastard,_ he thought to himself, trying to remember that this man was _not_ Ted, _not_ his best friend, and the bastard was pretending to be a dead man. Booster's eyes narrowed in anger.

 

"Who are you?"

 

At the first sound of Booster's voice, the man whipped something out of the open drawer and pointed it in his direction while shoving the chair along the length of his desk so he could duck behind the side of the piece of furniture. "Who's there?" he demanded.

 

Now that the man had stopped moving, Booster could see the object in his hand, pointed in roughly Booster's direction, was Ted's BB gun. It wouldn't hurt him, but it would probably blind him for a while. Without another word, Booster stepped out of the shadows he'd been hiding in, stopping once he was softly illuminated by a sliver of light coming through a window.

 

Startled, the man stared at him in surprise and confusion. "Booster?" he asked, slowly standing up and coming around the desk. "What are y— _Urk!_ "

 

Booster was barely aware of flying forward, shoving the man up against a wall and wrapping a hand around his throat. Glaring furiously at the man, he hissed, "Who. _Are._ You?"

 

Eyes bugging as he grabbed at Booster's arm with both hands, the man pushed back against the wall and brought his knees up to kick out at Booster's chest. The blow knocked Booster back, forcing him to release the man. The man hit the ground with a cough and a wheeze.

 

"Wh-What...th' _hell_...is _wrong_ with you?" the man choked, one hand coming to his throat while the other pointed the BB gun at Booster again. "Are y-hh-ou trying to...hh... _kill_ me?"

 

"Be pretty hard to do considering Ted Kord's _dead_ ," Booster shot back venomously.

 

The man's eyes widened as he sucked in a sharp breath. That turned out to be a mistake, because he started coughing right after. While he got his breathing back under control, Booster lifted his own hand to point a blaster at the man.

 

"I don't—khh, hhk—What are you _talking_ about?"

 

"Ted. Kord. Is. _Dead_ ," Booster bit out each word. "Who the hell are _you_?"

 

"Look I don't know _who_ told you I—"

 

"Batman."

 

The man stopped, shocked. "That... There has to be a mistake."

 

Booster frowned at him, uncertain what to make of the man's reaction. He seemed genuinely surprised and... _upset_ about the news. "He had proof."

 

The hand holding the BB gun dropped limply to the floor as the man's head fell back against the wall. "Shit," he whispered.

 

Eyes widening in surprise at the pain in the man's voice, Booster lowered his arm. More confused than ever, he again asked, "Who are you?"

 

The man's eyes moved to focus on him and the corner of his mouth tipped up ruefully. "Ted Kord," he answered miserably. " _I'm_ Ted Kord and _he's_ Ted Kord, we're _both_ Ted Kord because we were too fucking _stubborn_ to let the other one have it." He let out a huff of breath that almost had the shape of a chuckle, but fell far short of the mark. "Looks like I won."

 

As Booster watched the supposed Ted Kord squeeze his eyes shut, a suspicion began to form. "Prove it."

 

Eyes opening, unshed tears glittered in the faint glow of the laptop's screen. "How?" the man whispered around the lump in his throat.

 

Booster scooted forward cautiously, keeping a lookout for any sudden moves. Slowly, he reached out one hand to touch the man's chest but was stopped when he grabbed Booster's wrist. They stared at each other for a moment, then the man slowly shook his head.

 

"I didn't get that one," he said quietly, having guessed what Booster was looking for. Then he lowered his head and placed Booster's hand on his hair. Booster tentatively carded his hand through the man's hair, fingers searching his scalp...there.

 

"Doomsday," he breathed, eyes widening as he ran his fingers over all six inches of the scar.

 

"Yeah," the man agreed. " _I_ got two comas and the bastard got away scot free. I always...resented that, envied him. A little. Guess it finally caught up with him. ... _Shit_."

 

Shifting to sit next to the man, Booster left his hand carding through the hair. He wasn't sure what he was feeling, but it was strangely like getting a second chance and he didn't want to let go. "You're...."

 

"Twins."

 

Unable to think of anything else to say, Booster blurted the first stupid thing that came to mind. "Small world."

 

The man... _Ted_ sputtered a surprised laugh and tilted his head to look at him. "Yeah," he agreed slowly. After a moment he added, "I wanted to tell you. A few times. But it just...never seemed like the right time."

 

"'Hey guess what, I'm really two people'? No kidding."

 

Ted chuckled and smiled wryly.

 

"How'd you get away with it, anyway?" Booster asked curiously, finally removing his hand from the man's hair, though only to rest it on his shoulder instead.

 

Leaning back against the wall, Ted let out a deep breath. "Well...we both went by 'Ted' and we look—" He paused and leaned into Booster's hand. "We _looked_ identical. After a while I guess we just...became one entity to everyone. We didn't spend much time together unless we were alone, so it's not like anyone saw us side by side. And the paperwork for two Ted Kords sort of got tossed into one pile." He shrugged. "We took turns being Blue Beetle."

 

Booster's head fell back against the wall with a soft thunk. " _Shit._ "

 

Laughing quietly, Ted turned and rested his forehead on Booster's shoulder.

 

"So...which of you was my best friend?"

 

No longer laughing, Ted sat up and looked him in the eye. "I...We..." He bit his lip, conflict darting over his face. "Both?"

 

Booster nodded. "Sounds good to me."

 

At the intensely grateful smile that spread across Ted's face, Booster pulled the man into a tight hug. It was a lot to take in. In a sense, he had lost a best friend and gained one at the same time.

 

And right now, his best friend needed him.


	4. Bruce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That's impossible!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 09/23/2006, with the author's note:  
> "This one I'm giving credit to lakidaa for, because I'm pretty sure she thought of it before I did. In fact, it's an idea she pitched to me after I told her my crack twin!Teds theory. Amazingly enough, kirke_novak also suggested it, in the comments for Part 1."

It was early evening when the sound of the doorbell echoed through stately Wayne Manor. Whether the sun had already set or not was unclear, as the sky was filled with dark clouds and heavy rain.

 

Opening the door, Alfred's eyes widened in surprise. "Mister Kord, this is unexpected."

 

In a sodden overcoat and a hat that Alfred couldn't remember _ever_ being in style, Ted Kord looked miserable and uneasy. Shrugging one shoulder, he sniffed loudly as rain dripped off his nose. "Tell me about it," he sighed. "Is himself in?"

 

"Oh, forgive me," Alfred said, stepping aside and motioning the soaked man inside. "Master Bruce is—"

 

"What are you doing here?"

 

At the growled words, Ted and Alfred both looked up. Slowly coming down the stairs, Bruce Wayne frowned suspiciously.

 

"Well y'know, it's been so long since we've had a team-up, I thought we were about due," Ted answered sarcastically. He sniffed again and swiped his arm across his nose to wipe off the rain still dripping from it, then looked confused when his drenched coat just made his nose wetter. "I have to talk to you."

 

Crossing his arms over his chest once he reached the bottom of the stairs, Bruce glared at him. "What do you want?"

 

Ted gave a mirthless chuckle. "I didn't say _want_ , I said I _have_ to talk to you. Wanting has nothing to do with it. I _want_ to be somewhere else _not_ talking to you. But since I don't have much choice here, could you maybe pretend for a few minutes that you don't resent me for reminding you of a time when you actually pretended to be a human being so I can get this over with?"

 

Staring expressionlessly at him for a moment, Bruce jerked his head to indicate Ted should follow him, then left the room.

 

Sighing, Ted shot Alfred a rueful look as the butler took his wet hat and coat from him. "This is going well so far, don't you think?"

 

Alfred raised an eyebrow and said flatly, "Good luck, sir."

 

"Thanks," Ted muttered with a grimace, heading after Bruce.

 

* * *

 

Blue eyes met blue from across the distance of a large room, staring until one set looked away.

 

Rubbing the back of his neck, Ted stared down at the floor and tried to figure out where to start. Bruce was just sitting in a comfortable-looking chair, staring at him in that creepy, silent, _Batman_ way of his.

 

Ted stuffed his hands in his pockets and brushed against a piece of paper. Making his decision, he took a deep breath and looked Bruce in the eye again. Stepping closer, Ted took the photo out of his pocket and held it out. "Do you recognize this man?"

 

Suspicious frown returning, Bruce took the photo from him and looked it over. His eyes widened and he went very still. "Where did you get this?" he asked in a quiet, dangerous voice.

 

"I'll explain later, just... Do you recognize him?" Ted replied, heart thudding in his chest.

 

Bruce looked up at him, eyes narrowing. "It's my father."

 

Ted covered his face with one hand and winced. "I was hoping...nevermind." He sighed and took the photo back, having to tug to get Bruce to let go. "This is...difficult. I— My father died recently. We hadn't talked in...too long. Much too long. But he—  We spoke before he died."

 

Turning away, Ted ran a hand through his damp hair and concentrated on getting his words out. "He made a deathbed confession," he said, mouth quirking up slightly. "How cliche is that? It...."

 

Ted paused, thinking it over, then turned to face Bruce again. "Okay, you know that _X-Files_ episode? The one with Bruce Campbell? And he's with his wife and-and she's pregnant and they're getting a sonogram of the baby and it turns out the kid has horns. Then _later_ you see him going to another house and he has a _second_ wife, and she's pregnant too. And neither wife knows about the other one, and I think he was a demon. It was actually kind of sad, because all he really wanted was a normal life with a normal kid, and he kept getting ones with horns and having to kill them before they were born and someone got suspicious."

 

Frowning thoughtfully, Ted missed the look Bruce was giving him. "Good episode, though."

 

"The _point_ , Ted?" Bruce growled impatiently, expression tense.

 

Ted took a deep breath and stared at Bruce's eyebrows, because they were close enough to the man's eyes that it had to count for something. "Before he died, Dad...told me what he had done. Don't _ask_ me how he faked his own death, he didn't explain that part. He just..." Swallowing nervously, Ted bit his lip. "Thomas Wayne and Thomas Kord were the same person."

 

Jerking to his feet, Bruce stalked forward, looming over Ted with a thunderous expression. "That's impossible!"

 

Ted dug a folded bundle of crumpled papers from his pocket and thrust them up between himself and Bruce, as if they were a cross and Bruce a vampire. "I ran the DNA _three times_." With his other hand, he held up the photo. " _This_ is my father, Thomas Kord."

 

Snatching the papers from him, Bruce unfolded them and looked at the test results. "Where did you get my DNA?" he asked, frowning darkly.

 

"It's a matter of public record now," Ted sighed, then smiled wryly. "They do that with suspected murderers, remember?"

 

Bruce glared at him and Ted shrugged, looking down. "Look, I'm only here because he made me promise to tell you." Ted paused, then grimaced. "If it makes you feel any better, he skipped out on _me_ when _my_ mom died."

 

The papers holding the test results slapped against his chest and Ted looked up in time to see Bruce whirling around to stalk back to his chair. Ted could almost _see_ the cape snapping threateningly from the move, despite it not being physically present.

 

"If this is some kind of sick joke..."

 

"Right, because dead parents are _hilarious_ ," Ted huffed. "You can do whatever tests you want, to make yourself feel better, but it _is_ true."

 

They were silent for a few moments, both men lost in their own thoughts as the steady sound of rain against the window served to fill the emptiness in the room.

 

Then Ted chuckled quietly.

 

Bruce glanced at him sharply, suspicion returning, and Ted smiled helplessly. "I just realized...I've been a pretty bratty younger brother, haven't I?"

 

Raising an eyebrow, Bruce _didn't_ return the smile. But he did so in a way that on anyone else there would at least be a twitch to the mouth. "'Bratty'?"

 

Ted rolled his eyes. "At least I never broke your toys," he said, then pointed at him and added, "In fact, I _built_ some of your toys. Don't think I didn't _notice_ you using Kord designs."

 

This time the silence was less tense, and a flash of lightning outside lit the room like a flashbulb.

 

Clearing his throat, Ted murmured, "I should go. I have to...take care of funeral arrangements." He looked at Bruce uncertainly. "You can uh... You can come if you want. You don't _have_ to, but...I'll uh, I'll let you know when it is. So you can if you want to."

 

Bruce gave a brief nod and Ted shifted uncomfortably. When nothing else was forthcoming from the man, Ted shrugged and turned to leave.

 

"Ted?"

 

Stopping in the doorway, Ted glanced over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

 

Bruce frowned, then his mouth tilted into something that was less than a frown, with something like gratitude and reluctance lurking at the edges. "Thank you."

 

"Hey," Ted replied sardonically. "What's family for?"

 

"Hn."

 

"Feelin' the love," Ted chuckled, shaking his head as he left.


	5. Family Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're totally gonna punk me, aren't you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal 09/25/2006, with the author's note:  
> "I want to thank everyone for their brilliantly cracky suggestions, which eventually resolved themselves into _this_ , which I feel fully deserving of the title "WTF?" Who _is_ the mystery sibling? Read and find out! :D"

It all started when Booster introduced Ted to his friend Rip Hunter. Rip took one look at him, then apologized profusely.

 

Ted and his family, as it turned out, were something of a temporal anomaly. Rip and his friends were still trying to determine the cause, but the result was that Ted's family, which was much larger than he thought, had been scattered throughout time and space and integrated into their respective landing places.

 

"Including your twin," said Rip.

 

Ted hadn't even known he _had_ a sibling, much less a twin.

 

"I have to find my twin," he decided.

 

Rip and Booster exchanged a look, but Ted just informed them that if they didn't help him, he'd figure it out on his own. Given what he had _already_ accomplished in his life, it was entirely possible that he could create a working time machine. With that in mind, Rip agreed to help him.

 

So it was that Ted set out to find his lost twin, armed with a DNA-tracker and a belt that could take him through time and space.

 

One thing he discovered, in his journey, was that his family tended to make history wherever they ended up. Another thing he discovered was that the DNA-tracker wasn't specific enough to focus on a _sibling_ , it just pointed at _anyone_ he was related to.

 

He liked the cousin who had landed in the 30th century, though Ted eyed the boy's green-skinned friend suspiciously once he found out his name. From there he travelled to a famous gonzo journalist uncle in a parallel, and frankly disturbing, future.

 

Probably his favorite, though, was the cousin who had become mayor of New York City and could talk to machines. Bemused, the man had helpfully translated a conversation between Ted and Bug, who apparently had developed quite a personality over the years. His next project, Ted decided, would be finding a way to communicate with his airship without an in-between.

 

The world he landed in next made him sincerely glad that the travel belt had a built-in forcefield, because a mysterious _plague_ had wiped out all males on the planet except his nephew and his nephew's pet monkey. It was with a mix of sympathy and envy that Ted left him to his female-populated world.

 

Next he met up with a _half_ -brother whose life bizarrely paralleled his own, only with owls instead of beetles. He was even friends with a crazy faceless guy, which reminded Ted that he should probably catch up with Question and see how the man was doing. They didn't socialize often, but for some reason he felt a sort of kinship with him. Frowning thoughtfully as he set out again, Ted resolved to give Question a once-over with the DNA-tracker...just to be on the safe side.

 

Through a very confusing, and frankly ridiculous, series of events, Ted had an aunt who had not only ended up on an alien planet and was thought to be an alien herself, but she had also ended up travelling to Earth and making a name for herself among the Egyptians. To _further_ confuse the matter, reincarnation and Egyptian deities were somehow involved, but Ted left before his headache could get any worse.

 

The next place he appeared was his own world, in his own time, where he interrupted a conversation between Beatriz and Arsenal. They all stared at each other for a moment, then Ted decided he _really_ didn't want to know, so he left before the DNA-tracker could tell him who he was related to there. It was too late to avoid suspicion in his own mind, however, so every memory Ted had of Bea naked was now tainted with the possibility that she was family.

 

That was depressing, since Bea not only had a power that regularly destroyed her clothing, she also had a _really_ great body. So Ted ended up taking a break and distracting himself with another cousin's work on nanotech and human-machine fusion. It was fascinating stuff, and she was obviously very committed to her work. She was probably his _second_ favorite, if only because she had gotten him a picture of a kiss between that world's versions of Batman and Superman.

 

After that, he finally landed in a world that the DNA-tracker proclaimed to be the home of his twin brother. There he met a red-haired man with an odd visor who listened to his story, stared at him consideringly for a moment, then asked him to please leave.

 

"It's not you," Ted told him.

 

The man slumped in relief and let out a deep breath. "Oh thank god, I don't think I could take _another_ one."

 

Ted decided to track down his twin on his own and hastily left the man muttering about children from the future.

 

"And now here I am," Ted concluded, spreading his hands to indicate the rooftop.

 

In front of him, his spider-themed superhero brother was sitting on a wall. Not on top of it, but on the _side_. As it turned out, Ted's twin had superpowers. When they had first settled down to talk, the man had asked Ted if he minded and Ted had replied that if _he_ could stick to walls, he'd sit like that all the time.

 

Ted's twin had also briefly suspected he was a clone, which was something he intended to ask about later. Just from the few hours he had spent there, it was obvious to Ted that, "You live in a very strange world."

 

Grinning, his twin replied, "Look who's talking."

 

Since he couldn't really argue with that, Ted just laughed. Actually, looking back on it all, it was downright hilarious, and they laughed together for several minutes before calming down.

 

"I can't wait to introduce you to my wife."

 

"That reminds me, I think you should meet our uncle," Ted said, thinking back with amusement to the man's spider tattoo.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Yeah, he's...uh...a journalist."

 

His twin gave him a skeptical look before putting his cowl back on. "You're totally gonna punk me, aren't you?"

 

"Would _I_ do that to my own _brother_?" Ted asked with all the sincerity he could muster, throwing an arm around said brother's shoulders.

 

"I haven't even known you a day and already I _know_ you would."

 

Ted quickly changed the subject. "Hey, tell me about those 'web-shooters' you invented."

 

Snorting, the man shook his head and started explaining the design as they headed off under the glow of a sunset reflected off skyscrapers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional original author's note:  
> "That's right, I used _all_ your suggestions (well okay, almost all). For those wondering, the people not named are (in order): [Lyle Norg](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invisible_Kid#Lyle_Norg) (with friend [Brainiac 5](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brainiac_5)), [Spider Jerusalem](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider_Jerusalem), [Mitchell Hundred](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ex_Machina_\(comics\)#Characters), [Yorick Brown](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Y:_The_Last_Man_characters#Yorick_Brown), [Dan Dreiberg](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nite_Owl#Daniel_Dreiberg) (and crazy faceless friend [Rorscharch](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rorschach_\(comics\))), some version of [Hawkgirl](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawkgirl)/[Hawkwoman](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawkwoman), [Angela Spica](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engineer_\(comics\)#Angela_Spica), [Scott Summers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclops_\(Marvel_Comics\)) (who is in no way related to Ted), and [Peter Parker](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider-Man)."


End file.
